


Summer Nights

by nickyz



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types
Genre: Background Relationships, Developing Relationship, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Post-Canon, Psychological Trauma, Slow Burn, nagito and hajime aren't technically dating yet but may as well be
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:27:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25463194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nickyz/pseuds/nickyz
Summary: how are nagito and hajime handling the aftermath of the neo world program? surprisingly, not that badly... all things considered(has the other remnants involved as supporting characters. they deal with their own issues as well. see starting notes for the other ships!)
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito, Kamukura Izuru/Komaeda Nagito (past)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 123





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> !! background ships !!
> 
> peko x ibuki x mikan  
> imposter x mitarai  
> kazuichi x gundham  
> mahiru x hiyoko  
> sonia x akane
> 
> edit: adding my twitter to all my fics so you can follow me [here](https://twitter.com/chaosblast_)

Lazy sunlight streamed through the small window, heating up Nagito's cold, clammy skin. His internal temperature was never quite right, any time he touched someone they would recoil as if touching ice. Despite this, though, his left arm was currently being delicately held with no complaints.

"Please tell me if there is any pain," Mikan ordered softly, her stutter gone as she entered the comfortable familiarity of helping a patient. Nagito tried not to squirm uncomfortably as the nurse inspected the remains of his arm, checking the stitching- _Hajime's stitching_ \- and overall healing progress. He kept trying to flex fingers that weren't there anymore.

"So, how long do I have to live?" Nagito asked casually as a distraction, and Mikan laughed a little.

"V-Very funny." Her stutter returned as she nervously pulled some gauze from the pocket of her apron, along with a bottle of foul-smelling liquid... likely some kind of disinfectant. Nagito was used to that smell. "It's looking r-really good, I think. H-Hajime did a w-wonderful job…"

Nagito gritted his teeth as she cleaned his arm, a bit red and inflamed but not dangerously so. He knew she couldn't help the stinging, it was a normal sensation, and he'd rather not make her feel bad by commenting on it. "Naturally! He's good at everything." He praised Hajime sincerely, despite the room lacking the other's presence. Nagito wondered what he was doing right now…

"H-He is, it's very a-admirable." Mikan nodded in agreement, moving onto wrapping his arm back up, while secretly studying the stitchwork. Neither of them said any more after that, their idle small talk giving way to somewhat awkward silence, only increased by their close proximity. It dug under Nagito's skin. Whatever meds he was taking must be making him more anxious than usual, considering he was watching his hand tremble uncontrollably in his lap. Or perhaps it was just him being weird! Surely Hajime knew what was best for him, Nagito would never doubt him.

"How are things with Ibuki?"

Nagito hissed as Mikan suddenly pulled the wrapping tighter than intended, and she gasped, quickly remedying her mistake and rubbing his arm. He didn't like _that_ either. "I-I'm so s-s-sorry! Y-You just- surprised me, a-and-" 

"It's fine." It wasn't fine. Nagito felt like he wanted to claw his own skin off. Was this how other people felt around him and his antics, when they described him as unbearable? "Really, it is."

"I-If you say so…" Mikan sniffled pathetically, tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. "But, um, t-to answer your q-question…" She did her best to hide a bashful smile, hair falling in her face and cheeks turning pink. If Nagito was attracted to women he'd probably consider it cute, but he was too busy thinking about the last time he saw Hajime blush like that. "We're doing okay. B-Better than before."

"That's wonderful!"

"T-Thank you, Nagito… you're always s-so kind to me…" Mikan smiled sweetly at him. Ibuki was indeed doing wonders for this girl's confidence, huh?

"No, thank _you,_ Tsumiki-san!" Nagito grinned so hard it hurt. "You saved my life. I never got to thank you for all your hard work back then."

"O-Oh, it was nothing!" Mikan held up her hands defensively, shaking her head. "I-It was m-my responsibility! I l-love caring for patients a-anyways, so-!" 

The sound of the room's curtain being slid aside made both of them pause, and Mikan stood up quickly from where she had previously been sitting by Nagito's bedside. Nagito felt instantly calmer at the loss of her body heat. "Hello, H-Hajime!" 

"Hey," Hajime replied coolly, carrying a tray with one hand and a large drink in the other. "Did I interrupt?"

"N-Not at all! I was j-just finishing up!" Mikan cheerily walked to his side, shoving her supplies back into her pocket with haste. She lowered her voice when she spoke again, not wanting Nagito to hear her this time. Hajime leaned a little bit closer. "He's reacting badly to his medication. I can see him trembling." 

"Ah," Hajime sighed. "I'll check on it. Thank you." She gave him a serious nod before stumbling out, doing her best to avoid tripping on anything and causing a fuss. Hajime looked back towards Nagito, who was now preoccupied with watching a bird that had come to rest on the window sill.

"Do you think she's come to visit me?" Nagito asked Hajime as he took Mikan's previous seat, watching the bird chirp and hop around. Nagito was weirdly good at attracting small animals, like some kind of fairytale princess. He _did_ measure up to their beauty, in Hajime's opinion.

"Maybe." Hajime held out the tray and drink towards Nagito, who examined it with great surprise.

"Not hospital food?"

Hajime glanced to the side. "Teruteru insisted you be brought something 'actually edible' and asked me to pick you some things from breakfast…" It took him a second to continue speaking, feeling a bit embarrassed. "And I know you like Dr. Hopper a lot."

"Ah, always so kind to me, Hinata-kun…" Nagito cooed, taking the tray. Hajime helped him lower it onto his lap, not wanting to risk a one-handed balancing act. Nagito gave him a smile as the soda was handed to him next. "Thank you."

"Of course." Hajime moved some hair out of his face, and Nagito tried not to look too eager as he dug into the food and took the longest drink he'd had in his life. He was suddenly starving- which was unlike him, always horribly skinny on account of his lack of appetite. Hajime narrowed his eyes, clearly displeased by this. "We need to switch your medication."

"Hmm?" Nagito hummed through a mouthful of delicious french toast. 

"Swallow before you start talking." Hajime scolded him like a child. Nagito did as he was told.

"Is there an issue with what I'm taking?" 

"I don't know if you've noticed, but it's having some severe side effects."

Nagito blinked. Then looked down at his fork, which was shaking like a leaf. _Oh_. "Oh."

"Yeah. That's not normal." Hajime ran a hand through his hair- a gesture done when stressed, Nagito noticed with some worry- and stood up. "I'll go find something more compatible, and come right back." 

"Ah, Hinata-kun, wait." Nagito blurted out, and Hajime paused, raising an eyebrow. "Could I… braid your hair? When you return, that is? It looks awfully cumbersome..." 

"...With one hand?"

Nagito looked down at himself, and Hajime watched his face fall, eyebrows knitting together and fork lowering. "You're right. I suppose that's a little impossible right now." He returned his attention to his food, but his voracious appetite was gone, so he sipped from his Dr. Hopper instead. "Nevermind me, then, please continue with your more important tasks! Thank you again for breakfast." 

Hajime narrowed his eyes and frowned, suddenly not willing to leave Nagito alone. Not in that kind of mood. He plopped back down, much to the other's surprise, then swivelled so the back of his head was facing Nagito. 

"Hinata-kun?"

"I know you like touching it. Go ahead." 

"Ah, I couldn't…" Nagito drew his hand and stump up to his chest, clutching his t-shirt. It was easier to see the way it hung off of him without his jacket present. "I at least would like to make it pretty so I don't waste your time… but I can't, like this."

"Nagito," Hajime sighed and scooted the chair closer, as close to Nagito's bedside as he could get it. "Just do what _you_ want for once." Nagito sputtered helplessly as Hajime stubbornly laid his head on Nagito's lap, long black hair spilling across the white sheets. "I don't mind. Seriously."

"Hinata-kun…" Nagito murmured, resting his hand on Hajime's head. He gently raked his fingers through the endless hair, and God, it was so soft… "You're so beautiful." Nagito couldn't stop himself from verbalizing the compliment, not when Hajime's eyes were closed peacefully in his lap, and he was snaking his fingers through such lovely, lovely hair. Hajime hummed a little.

"Are you flirting with me?" 

Nagito wheeze-laughed, burying his face in the crook of his wounded arm's elbow. "Hinata-kun, I've been flirting with you since the second you woke up on Jabberwock Island." 

Hajime opened his eyes, shifting so he was laid facing upwards. Nagito held onto the strand of hair in his hand. "I realized that once I woke up in the real world. Before then, I was kind of… dense."

Nagito laughed once more, his lungs straining. "You think so?" 

"Don't hurt yourself," Hajime scolded again, though gently this time, rubbing Nagito's back as he struggled to breathe correctly. "You're sick enough without a lung collapse."

"But Hinata-kun would be right there to take care of me!" Nagito smiled brightly, leaning over Hajime and letting his white hair fall in his face. "So I would be just fine."

Hajime stared at him. "Hey."

"Yes?"

"Let me touch _your_ hair for once."  
  


* * *

Hajime cradled Nagito's head in his lap tenderly, watching his chest stutter as he had trouble breathing even in his sleep. He had a cute little ponytail, courtesy of Hajime, and Hajime had one too. It was far messier, and close to falling out any second, but it made him feel warm inside. Nagito had tried his best with what he had.

Nagito's hair was so thin and wispy, obviously long dead… but it still managed to feel soft. There had been a terrible amount of knots, in contrast to Hajime's hair, which remained knot-free at all times. Brushing it every morning was a hassle, but seeing Nagito's adoration as he ran his hand through it was worth the small effort. 

Nagito's position couldn't be comfortable, but Hajime didn't want to wake him by moving him. As if to apologize, he leaned down and pressed a kiss to his forehead. His face flushed a little in response to the action, and he was thankful Nagito wasn't conscious.

"Sup, Hajime?" A voice whisper-yelled from the doorway, and Hajime lifted his head in uncharacteristic shock. Kazuichi. He was grinning teasingly behind his thick-framed glasses.

"Kazuichi." Hajime greeted him, and Kazuichi took that as his cue to head inside the room, pushing aside the curtain a bit. "How is the hand coming along?"

"Pretty good, your blueprints are _amazing_. I don't know why you didn't just do it yourself."

"I'll have to create and install the artificial nerves myself anyways," Hajime absently petted Nagito. "I… prefer not to use my talents, to be honest. If there's someone here who can do it instead..." 

"I get it." Kazuichi nodded understandingly. Nagito moved a little in his sleep, and Kazuichi observed with no shame. "Heh, he looks so non-threatening like this. Though, I guess he never really _was_ a threat, huh...” Kazuichi sucked on his teeth, crossing his arms. “Damn, now I feel bad.”

“Don’t.” Hajime finally stopped patting Nagito’s head like he were a cat. “It was natural to be suspicious of behavior like his in an environment like that.”

“Yeah, yeah, hindsight is 20/20 or whatever.” Kazuichi snickered, adjusting his glasses. “Even though I don’t have eyes that good.”

“The glasses suit you.”

“D-Do they?” Kazuichi smiled a shark-toothed grin, rubbing the back of his head as his face turned red. His natural black roots were starting to grow in, Hajime noted. “Gundham said that too… in a more cryptic way, but I got the message!” Kazuichi paused as he seemed to realize something, slapping himself in the forehead. Hajime was a bit startled. “Shit! _That’s_ why I came to talk to you!”

“I can’t say I understand, Kazuichi…”

“Could you, uh, keep an eye on Gundham?” Kazuichi’s body language became rather tense and uncomfortable at the request, as if he was embarrassed. “Y’know he woke up, like, not too long before Nagito did, and-” Kazuichi lifted his glasses and ran a hand down his face, taking a deep breath. “I’m _worried_ about the guy, okay?”

Hajime held a hand up. “No judgement here, Kazuichi. Is he acting weird? I’ve been… distracted.” He said with a little bit of a redness to his own cheeks.

“Aahh, it’s cool, dude! I know you care a lot about Nagito. I’d be freakin’ out too.” Kazuichi trailed his hands through his hair, but it’s not like that would make it any messier than it normally was. “He’s _pretending_ he’s fine, but I can _tell_ he’s not. That’s worrying me a ton. He always pretended to be okay, even in the program...” 

“I think most of us did,” Hajime said a little mournfully, despite almost all of them now being alive and… just alive, really. They weren’t ‘well’ in any sense of the word. “I’ll watch him, and inform Mikan as well. She’s our care provider, so I’m sure she’ll do her best.”

“Thanks, man…” Kazuichi slumped against the wall until he was on his ass, knees to his chest. "Love is hard, huh?"

Hajime looked down at Nagito. His chest hurt. "Yeah."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i plan 2 write more for this so watch out


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw for mental breakdowns and self harm

Idle chatter lightly filtered throughout the restaurant as the people present ate breakfast together, the number of them finally up to what it was supposed to be as the last patient left the hospital and rejoined the small society. That ex-patient sat at a rather secluded table, alone with a sad-looking amount of food on his plate. He didn’t have much of an appetite, since his new meds were cooperating with him a lot better and gave him less symptoms to deal with. His finger traced the rim of his glass, filled generously with fizzy liquid. He observed nothing in particular, his surroundings rather dull without Hajime present- he had yet to arrive, but due to no one else seeming concerned, Nagito gathered that must be a normal occurrence. This was his first time attending breakfast since waking up from his coma.  
  
“Do you mind if I join you?” A sweet voice asked suddenly, and Nagito looked up.

“It would be my pleasure, your majesty.” Nagito dipped his head, and he heard Sonia giggle, a delicate hand placed to her mouth.

“You sound like Kazuichi,” she gracefully sat down with her own breakfast. “Please just call me Sonia.”

“Hmm…” Nagito stared down at his rice, which was untouched and probably becoming cold. “Sonia-san, what brings you to sit with someone such as myself?”

“You looked lonely.” Sonia said bluntly as she sipped her tea, raising her pinkie and crossing her legs under the table. “I also wanted to see how you are doing.”

“That’s very kind of you.” Nagito finally picked up his chopsticks and began eating, not wanting her to get on him for that. Because she absolutely would, as their leader, it was her job to care about everyone. Even someone like him. “As you can see, I’m doing fine.”

“I was going to say you look a bit pale, but I think you have always looked like that…” Sonia tipped her head, placing her teacup down. “I do not think we ever interacted up-close. It is rather strange, is it not? We lived near one another for such a long time.”

“Oh, I don’t blame you! No one enjoyed speaking to me, haha.”

“Do not say things like that!” Sonia glared at him across the table, crossing her arms. Nagito was practically suffocated by her air of authority. “We are all very grateful you are here!”

“It’s unwise to generalize people like that, Sonia-san,” Nagito sighed. “You are the first person to talk to me, if you haven’t noticed.”

Sonia puffed out her cheeks. “Frankly, I think it is rude of them! We all agreed to move on.”

“It’s not that simple.” He looked away, finding that same bird that visited him in hospital sitting on the window’s edge with another of its kind. They chirped and rubbed their heads together. “Humans are complicated things.”

Sonia, too, noticed the birds, but only because she followed Nagito’s eyes. “Is there someone here that you hate, Nagito? Someone you cannot forgive?”

“No, not at all. Sonia-san, look over there.” Nagito gestured to Byakuya Togami- who was later revealed to them to be the Ultimate Imposter- sitting with a frail man sporting light pink hair, attempting to force him to eat more food. Teruteru was sitting with them, laughing and joking along as if nothing had ever happened. “Do you see how happy they are? That is why I accept the burden I’ve been given.”

Sonia shifted nervously, hands in her lap. “What is your burden, Nagito?”

“To be the object of everyone’s hate,” Nagito said as if it were obvious, turning to his companion with a deceptively bright smile. “The killings started because of me, after all. And I’m sure everyone was made aware of my plan to kill you all and let the traitor escape.”

“We told everyone cuz it was the right thing to do.” Someone suddenly cut into their conversation, and Nagito strained to look past Sonia to see who it was, while she didn’t even try to turn her head to look. The table rattled with how hard the newcomer sat down, but Sonia seemed unphased, simply lifting her tea so that it did not spill. Nagito was not as fortunate, losing some rice. Not that he planned on eating all of it anyways. “They had the right to know, you know? It’s not their fault they died and missed a bunch of stuff.”

“Of course, Kazuichi-kun.” 

“Don’t go sayin’ that stuff about yourself either, though! We don’t hate you.” Kazuichi pointed a finger at him aggressively, dumping condiments on his hot dog. A hot dog for breakfast...

Nagito shrunk down in his seat, nervously grabbing at his face with his hand. His nails were dangerously close to breaking his weak skin. “Haha, Kazuichi-kun, I thought you were deathly afraid of me?” 

“No way!” Kazuichi leaned both elbows on the table, taking a sizable bite out of his messy hot dog. “I was scared of _everyone_ back then, not just you. I’m still real sorry for some of the stuff I said and did, though. You didn’t deserve that, seriously.”

“I-I see,” Nagito’s nails were drawing blood now without him even noticing, and Sonia reached over to gently move his hand away. She didn’t let go, though, just holding it as she set it down on the table. Kazuichi looked away respectfully. “Sonia-san, I can’t eat with my hand occupied, haha…”  
  
“Oh- I’m sorry, Nagito..” She reluctantly released him, and he returned to hovering his utensils over his bowl without actually using them. 

“No need to apologize! Sometimes I forget, too.” His stump was resting uselessly on the table beside him, his jacket sleeve tied around it. There was no way he’d forget it was there. Sonia likely couldn’t either, but Nagito wouldn’t question her.

“Sooo…” Kazuichi talked through chewing. “Where’s Hajime? He’s usually around you.”

“I have not seen him yet this morning. I figured that must be typical?”

Sonia nodded, daintily wiping her mouth in between every single bite she took. “Yes, sometimes he accidentally sleeps in. He stays up late a lot, so we choose not to wake him.”

“Oh, I had no idea.” Nagito couldn’t help but look hopefully at the entrance, expecting Hajime to sprint through it in a rush, clothes and hair a mess as he realized how late he was and ignored his morning routine. That didn’t happen, of course.

“Nagito?” Sonia asked quietly, but Nagito didn’t respond. His eyes were locked on the stairs, as if now that he’d noticed just how much Hajime’s absence bothered him, he couldn’t think about anything else. His hand started to tremble, and Sonia pursed her lip in worry.  
  
Reaching out slowly, she grasped it, and Nagito was snapped back to reality harshly and far too fast. He pulled his hand away as if the touch had burned it, pushing back against his chair so hard that it scooted loudly against the floor. Sonia, too, pulled back in surprise. Kazuichi instinctively rose to his feet, hands on the table, readying himself for confrontation.

“Nagito… are you alright?” Sonia tried to lean over the table towards him, which just made Nagito scoot backwards again with another ear-piercing squeak. “Nagito-”

“I’m…” Nagito tried to insist he was fine, because he _was_ , but he felt something crawling on his skin. Stares. Everyone in the restaurant had their eyes on him, attracted to the noise like moths to a flame, and he realized that it had gone silent. No more chatter, no more clinking of forks and chopsticks… all he could hear was his heartbeat, loud in his ears and throbbing in his throat. He looked towards the window, and the pair of birds were flying away, scared by the commotion.

He grasped his face with his hand again, his stump going to do the same but not being able to. This just made it worse, his amputated limb beginning to itch and ache unbearably. He remembered what it felt like to cut it off. How much he’d screamed and cried, but kept going anyways, spurred on by some uncontrollable urge to mutilate himself all for the sake of someone else. How it had sounded when he reached the bone, the sickening crunches and splattering of blood against the floor, his clothes, his skin… 

He could even remember the smell. The strong iron in the air, overpowered by only the taste of his tears. Unbeknownst to him, this memory had caused him to violently free his limb from the confines of his jacket, tearing away the bandages so roughly that some of his stitching had torn away too. He was bleeding all over the table and floor, and people were screaming as Sonia tried to restrain him, but his weak body was stronger than her with the rush of adrenaline coursing through his veins. He ripped out of her grasp and retreated until his back hit a wall, knocking his chair out of the way and breaking part of it off. He fell down, drawing his knees up to his chest.

He could feel his arm leaking blood and his scalp stinging as he dug his nails into it, but he didn’t stop. He was far too focused on the woman standing tall in front of him, right hand on her hips and stance wide. Her left arm was hanging limp, gushing bright pink blood, and she leaned down so that they were face-to-face, smiling wide. Nagito felt himself smiling, too. Sonia shook him by his shoulders, terrified at the swirling eyes that were looking past her at an invisible person.

Akane and Nekomaru jumped up from their table, rushing over to hold him down. They didn’t look angry, though, they looked scared. Were they scared _for_ him…? Nagito was still grinning, and he felt his body begin to shake as laughter bubbled up from his throat, littered with wheezes. Mikan started tending to his torn stitches while crying, Nekomaru keeping him from moving that arm at all. He was saying something too, but Nagito couldn’t hear it. His feet scrabbled against the wood floor, trying to run away. Kazuichi and Ibuki dived down to restrain his ankles to stop him from hurting himself, or anyone else.

Unbeknownst to Nagito, Fuyuhiko and Peko had left the room at some point, but they were just now returning. Enoshima watched this with curiosity, sticking out her tongue at them. Nagito strained against the two athletes and kicked Kazuichi in the face, sending him sprawling backwards with a yelp. He needed to get to her. He needed to be the one to kill her this time, to wrap his hands around her throat and crush her windpipe. He could almost feel her beneath his fingers, gasping for air and drooling. Akane cried out as he got away from her, reaching out-

Enoshima’s despairingly sweet smile faded away as his hand closed around her neck. He wheezed helplessly, his chest felt like it was on fire, and his eyes stung. 

“Nagito,” Hands on his face brushed his cheeks, and ruffled his hair. They were too big and rough to be Enoshima’s hands, he would know. Blinking multiple times in rapid succession, Nagito’s eyes met green and red.  
  
“Hi-Hinata,” Nagito gasped out, letting go of his neck in horror.

Hajime nodded to the others, and they all let go at once. He fell forward against Hajime, arms wrapping around him desperately. He sobbed into his chest, his voice breaking any time he raised his voice to scream. Hajime held him in turn, rubbing his back and threading fingers through his hair comfortingly. “Relax. It’s okay. It’s just us here.”

Nagito lifted his head to look over Hajime’s shoulder, expecting Enoshima to have returned to laugh at him for hurting his beloved. She wasn’t there. In her place were the other island residents. Ibuki and Peko were embracing Mikan, Sonia was worriedly lingering behind Hajime, and Kazuichi was resting his head on top of Gundham’s, who was crouched down to be able to fit against him. Gundham looked a bit shaken too, but Nagito didn’t know why.  
  
“W-Wha…” Nagito swallowed roughly, feeling like he just ate some razor blades. Hajime shushed him, forcing Nagito’s head back down to rest on his chest.

“You only just woke up, so you’re going to be dealing with lingering despair for a little while…” Hajime explained. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here sooner.”

“Enoshima-”

“It wasn’t real.” Hajime said firmly, his grip on Nagito tightening. “She’s been dead for years. She can’t do anything to _any_ of us anymore.” He lowered his voice, so that only Nagito could hear. “I won’t let her hurt you again.”

“But, Hinata-kun…” Nagito sagged against Hajime’s stronger form. “I hurt _you_.”

“If you think _that_ hurt _me_ , you’re a dumbass.” Hajime snorted. “Hey, can you stand up?”

Nagito shook his head, not wanting to move for a long time. 

“Okay, then I’m going to pick you up. Hold on.” 

Hajime lifted him easily, carrying him in bridal style, as it was the most comfortable option. He dug his fingers into the front of Hajime’s shirt, not wanting to fall as the world spun around him. Hajime turned to Kazuichi, who looked concerned for Nagito even though he had a fresh bruise blossoming on his cheek. Gundham was trembling next to him.

“Him too?” Hajime asked.

“I think so… yeah”

“Kazuichi-kun,” Nagito forced out through his battered throat, but Kazuichi held up a hand, preventing him from continuing.  
  
“Don’t say sorry, I don’t blame you for it. Doesn’t hurt that much anyways, see?” Kazuichi papped his face a few times with his palm, avoiding flinching for Nagito’s sake. Nagito relaxed in Hajime’s arms, satisfied with the response in his delirious state.

“Kazuichi…” Hajime looked at him, and Kazuichi nodded.

“Come on, baby,” Kazuichi spoke softly to Gundham, wrapping an arm around him. “We’re gonna follow them to the hospital, and I’ll stay with you the whole time, ‘kay?” 

Nagito wasn’t paying attention anymore, enveloped in Hajime’s warmth and scent. His long hair tickled Nagito’s skin, and Nagito couldn’t help but smile, content despite the pain he felt all over his frail body. He watched with vague awareness as Hajime carried him away with Kazuichi, Gundham, and Mikan in tow. Seems like he was going back to the hospital already. How unlucky...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sad times


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hajime gets a haircut! how exciting

Hajime was, for once, on time arriving at the restaurant for breakfast. He’d been up all night with Nagito and Gundham, dealing with their relapse into despair effectively. Kazuichi was no better, practically being carried by Hajime as they walked in together, almost tripping on his long hair. Mikan wasn’t even present, she had passed out during the night and neither man was cruel enough to wake her. Imposter had taken over for their temporary absence- he was the best out of all of them at resisting despair, besides Hajime of course.

“You two look like shit,” Hiyoko said bluntly, holding a bowl of ice cream. It smelled very strongly of strawberries, making Hajime crinkle his nose.

“Try to be a little more delicate, please,” Mahiru patted Hiyoko’s hand, and Hiyoko looked away with a pout and red cheeks. “But she’s right. Was it difficult with those two? You can always ask for help…”

“You know I can’t do that, Mahiru.” Hajime sighed as he led Kazuichi to the coffee maker, and thank God someone had left it half-full. He poured Kazuichi a large cup of straight black coffee, and Kazuichi didn’t complain one bit about the lack of sweetness as he downed it as fast as possible. Hajime took what was left, having far better tolerance when it comes to sleep deprivation. “It’s dangerous to have them around other people when they’re like that. The despair could spread.”

“You’re right.” Mahiru sadly sighed, leaning her head on the back of her hand. “Hey, why don’t you sit with us? Since Nagito isn’t here, and Kazuichi doesn’t seem up for conversation…” 

“If you’re inviting me, I won’t decline.” Hajime accepted and sat down next to Peko, who was looking over the back of her chair to speak with Fuyuhiko. Behind her, Ibuki was leaning across the table to braid her hair. Hiyoko and Mahiru didn’t seem to mind at all. Suddenly conscious of his own, Hajime ran his fingers through annoyingly knotted strands. He didn’t get the chance to brush it yet. It was so long and hard to take care of, it was getting tiresome...

“Say, Ibuki?” Hajime asked abruptly. 

“Hmmm? What’s up, Hajime-chan?” Ibuki had her tongue sticking out in concentration, and didn’t even bother bringing it back into her mouth to speak.

“You seem like you’d be good at cutting hair. Am I right?”

Ibuki dropped back into her chair so hard she almost fell backwards, but Mahiru managed to catch her before she did. She was up again in an instant, hands slamming onto the table, eyes sparkling. “Hajime-chan!! Are you asking Ibuki-chan to cut your hair?!” 

“Well-”

“Ibuki-chan would be honored! Lemme get a feel, Ibuki-chan wants to see what kinda stuff she’s workin’ with!!” Ibuki practically crawled on top of the table to get to Hajime, knocking dishes out of the way. She grabbed handfuls of his hair and… rubbed it against her face.

“Ah… Ibuki?” Hajime felt himself starting to sweat in embarrassment as the girl fondled his hair as if she were feeling a pair of breasts. Peko coughed into her fist, apparently having the same thought.

“It’s soooo soft, Hajime-chan!! No wonder Nagito-chan loves touching it so much!” Ibuki  _ sniffed  _ it, and Hajime was kind of regretting his decision.

“H-How…?”

“Ibuki-chan has her ways!” She held up a peace sign, wiggling her tongue. “Aaaaanyways, Ibuki-chan can totally work with this! What hairstyle are you lookin’ for? Maybe a  _ sick  _ mohawk?!”

“My old look would be fine.” Hajime bashfully let some hair fall into his face.

“Roger that! Operation hedgehog hair is a go!”

“ _ Hedgehog? _ ”   
  


* * *

  
So, here Hajime was, sitting in front of a mirror in Ibuki’s cabin, with Peko and Sonia as spectators. Ibuki was precariously snipping a pair of scissors in her hand as the other ran through Hajime’s hair with a comb, getting all of the knots out so it could fall to its full, natural length. He wouldn’t really call it beautiful, but Nagito had said as much so many times, that he had a hard time thinking of a different way to describe it.

“I’m a bit jealous.” Peko spoke up from her spot on the couch, a book resting on her lap. “You’ve got hair that us girls could only dream of.”

“Peko, please… it’s not that great.” Hajime tried to be humble, but compliments really got him flustered. He wasn’t used to them, as he was always so ordinary. Not so much anymore, now…

“I am honored to be here to watch this! I’ve been waiting so very long for this moment. I am glad you finally feel comfortable enough to return to your old style.” Sonia stood by Hajime’s side, hands clasped at her chest. Comfortable…?

“I don’t know if I’m  _ comfortable… _ ”

“Get ready, Hajime-chan!” Ibuki warned just seconds before he heard the scissors enter his hair and start cutting. He felt all the blood drain from his face as he watched and listened to it drop onto the floor, quickly growing into a sizable pile. His shock must’ve shown on his face, because Ibuki stopped, and Sonia looked concerned.

“Hajime?”

“K-Keep going! I’m gonna- close my eyes.” He did so, tightly. “It’s just like a bandaid. Rip it off fast.” 

“Would you like me to cover your ears?” Sonia moved closer, and Hajime nodded quickly. He felt her delicate hands on his ears, blocking out all the sounds of Ibuki snipping off his mane of hair. He could faintly hear the buzzing of a razor when a few minutes had passed, exactly 6 minutes and 47 seconds according to his extremely accurate inner clock, but tried to ignore it. Feeling it against his head was one sensation that couldn’t be blocked out, unfortunately. Ibuki was going fast, for his sake. 

“Hajime?” He heard as Sonia’s hands lifted away. “You can open your eyes. It’s all done.” 

“I don’t think I can,” he felt his hands shaking on his lap.

“How about on the count of three?”

“Alright, yeah, okay.”

“One… two…” 

Hajime forced his eyes to open as soon as all three girls triumphantly yelled ‘three’. The sight that met him… oh wow.  “Wow.”

“Look who’s back, Hajime-chan!” Ibuki grinned behind him in the mirror, reaching out to tug on his antenna. His  _ antenna! _ His hands flew up to touch it, too, that one pesky little strand of hair that would never stay down… he hadn’t seen it in so long. It was exhilarating. 

“You look happy, Hajime.” Sonia smiled warmly, a hand on his shoulder.

Did he? He looked at himself in the mirror. He was grinning so hard, yet he hadn’t noticed at all. He felt light- of course, after cutting off that much hair, you certainly would feel lighter- but he felt it inside, too. Like a weight was lifted off of his heart that he never knew was there. He felt free.

“I am. I really, really am. Thank you, Ibuki.” 

“Anything for Ibuki-chan’s friends.” She reached out and fist-bumped him, and he was already feeling like himself again. Something he’d never experienced since waking up. Peko snuck by them and swiftly sweeped away the hair with her foot, so Hajime wouldn’t have to see just how much was gone.

“Yes, this definitely fits you much better. That’s what I’ve decided!” Sonia crossed her arms as she declared this, her royal side coming out. Hajime  _ laughed _ , and so did the two other girls.

“There is one more thing we need to do, girls.” Peko said as she walked to the cabin door, slowly opening it. She peeked through the small gap. “Are you two ready?”

“Yes!”  
  
“I... think so?”

Hajime recognized both voices, but the second one hit him like a freight train. Mahiru and Nagito stumbled in, the shorter girl having trouble keeping her eyes over Nagito’s eyes while trying to lead him inside. “Nagito-chan! It’s time for your surprise!”

“Oh, hello, Mioda-kun. I’m very excited to see!” Nagito was being polite, but Hajime could tell he wasn’t that pleased at being in a room full of girls- evidently he had no idea Hajime was present.

“Tada!” Mahiru ripped her hands away fast, which left Nagito blinking at the sudden rush of light after being trapped in darkness for who knows how long. Were they waiting outside for a while, or did they just arrive? Hajime would have definitely heard them approach if Sonia hadn’t been covering his ears… maybe that kind act of hers had hidden intentions.

“Ah-” Nagito was taken completely off-guard, hand flying up to his mouth. He walked forward as if in a trance, not believing what he saw before him. Sonia gave him a light shove, and Hajime stood up from the chair slowly, reaching towards Nagito in concern. He didn’t have his jacket with him, and Hajime couldn’t bear seeing just how small he looked with only his t-shirt on.

“Nagito?”

Nagito dived at him, knocking him to the floor in the most aggressive hug he’d ever experienced. He grunted in mild discomfort as Nagito’s jutting bones dug into his skin from the impact. A hand grasped his face, stopping him from moving it at all without feeling an uncomfortable pinch. “You… Hajime…”

“Nagito,” Hajime grasped his wrist, holding it. Nagito’s grip loosened, palm sliding down Hajime’s cheek in a gentle caress. His hand felt so cold. “Do you… like it?”

“It’s beautiful,” Nagito breathed out as if the words stole all his oxygen. He flicked the antenna, making it swing a bit. “Cute…” He laughed, resting his forehead against Hajime’s. He could feel Hajime’s surgery scar against his skin, but he didn’t care. He knew it was there already, had felt it many times while burying his hand in long locks.

“Come to the beach with me?” 

“Hmm?”

“We have an… audience, right now.”

“Oh!” Nagito jumped backwards, turning beet red. “Of course.”

The girls just rolled their eyes, moving out of Hajime and Nagito’s path so they could go talk in privacy.

“And I thought lesbians were the oblivious ones.” Peko pushed up her glasses, wrapping an arm around Ibuki’s waist to pull her onto the couch with her.

“I think those two are... an exception.” Sonia smiled helplessly.

* * *

  
“You’re not mad at me, right?”

“Why would I be mad?”

“Well I didn’t ask you first…”

“Hinata-kun.” Nagito stopped walking, which meant Hajime had to stop too, because they were holding hands. “You don’t have to ask me for permission before you do things...?”

“I know, I know…” Hajime tried to run his hand through his hair, but found only open air. Oops. “This is gonna take some time to get used to, huh.”

“It was worth it.” Nagito reached up to ruffle Hajime’s short spikes. “I didn’t realize how much I missed this you.”

“I’m not  _ exactly _ the same,” Hajime corrected as if it wasn’t obvious. Nagito was reminded of it every time he looked in Hajime’s eyes, green and red heterochromia complimented by what appeared to be a crosshair around his pupils. Like his gaze was the barrel of a gun. Nagito stared down at his left arm, letting go of Hajime's hand to reach his right hand up to his neck. A faint, slightly raised scar from constant chafing remained there.

"Same here."

Hajime's eyes were on him in an instant, analyzing him, tearing open his thoughts. Nagito shivered. "Does it hurt?"

"Ah, not technically. Sometimes I trick myself into believing it aches." 

"Can I…?" Hajime raised a hand, and Nagito nodded lightly. Oh so gently Hajime caressed the skin of his neck, feeling the old scar that he'd never touched up until now- it was always obscured by the metal collar. Hajime frowned. "I'm sorry."

"Why?"

"I could have removed it," He sounded regretful, thumb massaging the scar tissue. Nagito shivered once more, but it was… a pleasant shiver. 

"There was no point to it. That's why you didn't." Nagito shuffled his feet uncomfortably as Hajime raised his other hand, practically wrapping them around his neck. Nagito wondered how swiftly Hajime could kill him, like this.

"Do you remember… the time we spent together?" Hajime mumbled, eyes vacant as he got lost in thought. Nagito hadn't seen this look in a while- it was so perfectly Izuru. He felt sickness rising in his stomach.

"I do." He stared at his feet, rather than Hajime. 

"I miss that. I miss us." 

Nagito's eyes snapped up in surprise, only to see  _ someone else _ looking back at him. It wasn't Hajime, at least not entirely. This didn’t happen often, he’d only seen it once, very shortly after waking up. "Kamukura-sama…" He breathed out, hand cupping Hajime's. They had moved to his face at some point. "I…"

"Please allow me this." Hajime- Izuru- pulled Nagito close, and Nagito didn't stop him. No, instead his hand eagerly dug into the fabric of Hajime's shirt, wanting him closer, so much closer. 

"Kamukura…" 

Lips were on his, moving slowly, reveling in the moment. Nagito's knees shook, threatening to give out. He reciprocated desperately, pushing back hard enough to bruise, he wanted this so badly-

Hajime yanked away, and Nagito followed his lips for a moment, lost in the sensations. He opened his eyes to find Izuru's influence had subsided, returning most of his Hajime to him. The most that  _ could _ be returned. Hajime looked mortified.

"Nagito, I'm- I'm so sorry, remembering those things-"

"Kiss me," Nagito begged, tears forming in his eyes. "Please, kiss me." His hand gripped Hajime's tightly, leading it back to his face.

"Nagito…" Hajime sighed, conflicted. Who exactly was Nagito looking for? Him? Izuru? Maybe… both?

" _ Please, _ " Nagito sobbed. "I've wanted you for so long, my body  _ yearns _ for you in a way I can't  _ describe. _ It  _ hurts. _ " As if to demonstrate, Nagito pressed flush against him, so Hajime could feel how much he was shaking. All he felt in response was panic, not desire.

"Not… not right now." Hajime regretfully moved away, leaving Nagito dejected and upset. He hated seeing how crestfallen the other looked, but this just didn't feel right.

"Did I… do something wrong?" Nagito whimpered, hand clutching at his t-shirt. "Ah, I'm horrible, truly disgusting… how dare I force myself upon you like that…" He sank to his knees in the sand, hunching over. "How despair-inducing I am…"

Hajime squared his shoulders, lip trembling from how badly he wished to cry, to pour out his sorrow from having to see Nagito in such a state as this. But that wasn’t a natural reaction- it was Nagito’s despair sinking in, and he  _ needed _ to resist it. They should have known better than to remove Nagito from the hospital so soon.

"We're going back to the hospital." Hajime said sternly, picking Nagito up to carry him on his back. Bridal style didn't feel appropriate this time. Nagito loosely wrapped his arms around Hajime, instinctively trying to regain some balance. 

"Mm…" Nagito murmured, not at all present mentally right now. Hajime trudged back to the hospital in silence, save for Nagito's usual labored wheezing. 

Hajime said something when they were nearing the building, but Nagito didn't hear him, the words drowned out by Enoshima's manic laughter. He wondered what Hajime had said to amuse her...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for blue balling u folks... maybe one day they'll actually kiss


End file.
